Help Wanted: dreamcatching

These past few months have been quite an adventure, and as in any good adventure story some losses and hits come along the way. This is most certainly the case in my life right now, the most recent casualty is my job.

I have given myself over completely to the depression/healing process, with hopes of knowing how better to manage in the future, and even more--to LIVE in a different way. This past week, I think I have gotten a glimpse that it actually might be working.

A shift has happened. I am seeing, feeling and hearing things I have not experienced before. Boundaries, limits, desires, and daydreams are starting to creep into my consciousness, slowly ever so slowly, like a curious kitten to her first catnip toy.

Here is where you come in friends, this is what I am in desperate need of your help with.

1. Who do you think I am? What words or ideas come to mind when you think of me? And then,
2. what kind of work do you think I am cut out to do?

Now don't go answering one question without the other. I think that each answer will reveal a bit about me. I am asking for you all to be my mirror, my catcher of dreams. (I know that the dream-catcher is to catch the bad ones and let the good ones pass through, slide down the feather into my dreams, but just go with me here.) I want you to help me think further than outside of whatever box I have for myself or that you have placed me in ie. religious, restaurant junkie, "fat", queer, female, funky, christian, etc. Actually, there is no box. Just possibility. Based on what you know of me, what should be my work in the world?

As many of you know--the basis of this blog really--for a long time I worked in restaurants. Then when life served up to me a huge fork in my road, I suddenly started to (metaphorically) sling bread and wine instead of (literally) slinging hot plates & cold beers. Now, truly, I am just not sure what to do. I am paralyzed with possibility and terrified of just doing the same old same old and not taking this time to explore what I feel like is just lurking around the corner.

I need your help. Help me discern what is next. Be honest--frighteningly so please. If you never respond to another post of mine, I hope that you will respond to this one. If you want to send your thoughts by private message or email, that is fine too. But please do chime in. I think some big thing is coming, and I am hoping you, my friends, will help me see it.

Conversation, to be continued...

Comments

[Mindy]

Please do not think that I am leaving you hanging. I just need to think about your questions for a bit.

[Jules]

I am thinking as well. :) you deserve more than off the hip on this one. :)

Peace friend!

Jules

[Rachel]

Thanks friends--I look forward to your wisdom.

[Camille]

I think you are a terrific person that has been a wonderful friend to my mother, and for that I could never thank you enough.

As for the whole work area, go with something totally different than what you were doing. What do you love? If I had my choice I would run my own business that sold stuff that I made. I love to cook...so maybe a bakery/eatery. IDK, go with something fun. That is my choice.

[Jules]

1. Who do you think I am? What words or ideas come to mind when you think of me?

I think you are this beautiful woman. These eyes that seem to gleam with life. You are the person that chased me down and wouldn't let me just go off into the dark, but also knew to ask if it was space I needed. You are a new friend that warms my heart. You are a fighter. Inspiration and not that cheesy kind. An open door to something new. These are things that I thought of today as I let my mind wonder to what I think of when I think of you. And for some reason I think of the love and partnership I saw with you and your beloved. (yes, I know that isn't just you but seeing y'all together I saw another side of you) So I think a beloved one when I think of you.

2. what kind of work do you think I am cut out to do?

This one is kind of hard for me. I'm one to feel like I put too much of what I WANT than what maybe better for the person asking. I hope what I'm about to share helps in some way. When we had our time together at C21 at the Queermergent gathering the thing that grabbed me about you was your ability to facilitate the conversation. Maybe that comes from your past work, but it, for me, I found it so beautiful and I was slightly envious of this ability. You had patients to throw out something or to open up the conversation for others to want to jump in. I wonder if this ability would be good for therapy or something a long these lines. I hope that is helpful.

The other thought I had was this....I realized this on my journey of working on my co-depenencey, to find what makes my heart sing, what made me purr, when I thought of something what made me leap. Not what made others proud of me or clap for joy for me, but what made me clap or made me proud of myself. As I started claiming that I found myself jumping at the opportunity to find ways to complete that goal. There was no hurdle to get in my way. :) And I think you will find that in this process as well.

I hope in some way I have helped. :) I'm praying for you and at the ready for when ever you need a friend in the "gap". :)

Much love and peace!

[Mary Beth]

I need to think on this too. In the meantime, I love you!

[Shelley Pagitt]

Well, Dear Rachel, I have actually given your ponders quite a bit of thought already. So great of you to ask for thoughts- :)

To put it bluntly, I see very big things for you. Very clearly. I have spoken this out loud.
I don't know what, but I do know you have a unique ability to moderate opinions, even heated, personal and irrational ones. You are so able to listen and ask and say what needs to be said with love and mercy.
I wonder about you as a therapist specializing in the parent/child/family area where a GLBT person is present or the family is struggling. This seems to be such a fragile and potentially beautiful or horrible situation. Especially in Christian families. I personally know three families that are torn apart at this moment and their daughters are left in shambles! It's horrible.

YOU ARE- smart, capable, articulate, experienced, gentle, open, honoring of others, friend. Working on your own 'stuff' will allow you to engage with others more fully.

Daydream weaver~
shelley

[Rachel]

Wow this is really beautiful and mindblowing. Thank you friends, for the personal notes and emails, and your kind words here. Just love and nothin but the love for you.

[bryan]

1. Who do you think I am? What words or ideas come to mind when you think of me?

The first word that comes to my mind is inspirational. I've just begun my journey down a path that you have been down and I can only hope that I navigate that path in the way that I see you navigating it.

The second word that comes to mind is authentic. I see you being who you are in everything I see you do.

2. What kind of work do you think I am cut out to do?

Since I've known you mostly through your writing, maybe you should be a writer.

My 2 cents
bry