The Swandive

a new look

UPDATE:

I think I've got a new look. I tried a different header--but somehow it just made me look sullen, depressed, longing--which I am sometimes--but to do a whole new makeover and hang my hat on that, nope. So, if you have been here before you might notice that the change is slight, subtle.

My relationship to this Typepad blog is funny, I have had a love/hate/mostly love relationship with it from the start. I pay for this site--its cheap, but not free. Some of the most holy moments / thoughts / plans / dreams have happened here in the last 3 years. I have met some of the most amazing people here (see friends list). Sometimes I want to run and hide, delete the whole thing. But almost always I come back, surf the archives, and re-member why keeping this journal of sorts is a beautiful thing for me.

I have no memory to speak of. I am in awe of people who can remember events, jokes, minute by minute accounts of their lives or even more amazing--my life. While this place while it can't do that--it does help me to hang on to people, places, ideas and things that I hold dear. Its marking time, dull and fantastic, random and explicit, Holy and holy.

I think I've got a new look. Not reinventing (as you can tell, I've held on to a bunch of what was here)--just rearranging and revisiting. For the first time that I can remember in a long time, I don't actually want to throw the baby out with the bathwater. I don't want to erase the whole thing and start over.

Today--I like me, I like the new look, I am hopeful. Poke around and let me know what you think.

___________

"Under Construction"

So if the blog looks a little whack-a-dooo its because I am starting to futz with it. I am ready for a new look (I think I tried to change it up about a year ago, and just went back, <sigh>) But really, now is the time. Carpe creativity! New looks, new books, new accounts and pics. So--please excuse the mess while I am officially:

Commentary and feedback, welcome.

Home Again Home Again--Jiggity Jig

Dear Diary (and friends and random weird lurky people who find my blog by googling "what you can do  while pooping"):

Its been a while huh? Yeah, I thought I would have time during the 76th Triennial General Convention of the Episcopal Church to do some personal writing/blogging too. Yeah, not so much. Its been a crazy few weeks; perhaps you will let me share a few thoughts, capture some ideas while they are still funky fresh? Thanks diary et al.

Its a funny thing, going away from home, work, family, and routine for two weeks. Exciting yes, nerve-wracking to be sure, but funny mostly; in that ha-ha sort of way and in that wtf sort of way. I mean really, its like the start of a huge joke that might go something like "what do you get when you put 30 homos (and allys) who love G-d and the Episcopal Church together in one room and work 'em over long hours over 12 days?" Punchline: One mess of beautiful, justice oriented, Jesus lovin', snap heeeyyyyy fabulousness that has a wicked sense of humor and a big ol' pair of bitch pants from time to time. 

We laughed: Planet Unicorn was introduced to many, including me. We ate at strange hours, in interesting places, and various stages of refrigeration. We were punchy and HI-larious (although I bet if I tried to retell some of the jokes or stories it might leave you wondering).

We (ok, I and a few nameless others) cried: You just cannot throw 30 people together, put them to work with little ice-breaking time, and not expect this to happen. Toes were stepped on. Sleep was well, irregular at best, straight up lacking for many. The work we were called to do--to help move the Episcopal Church beyond B033 and move towards all the sacraments for all the baptized--is about us--the LGBT people who make up a part of the Episcopal Church. It is very personal work.

Tears were shed for long days, misunderstandings and miscues. They were also shed for new friendships, for courage and beauty displayed in personal stories, and for celebrations--of finishing the work we were called to do.

We left: Now I am home, back in realityville. I am tired (still, but almost caught up on sleep), I am missing getting 30+ hugs a day. I miss the energy, the pace, and mostly feeling connected to something that seemed to connect back to me. I miss new faces, new opportunities and seeing old friends.

I am not unhappy. I am coming down from the mountain. I would not have it any other way, but I totally get where Peter was coming from, wanting to stay, make tents, and live in shiney transfiguration-land, feeling all warm and Jesus squishy.

I am home, with my beloved, my Tigger, my friends, my work. Its not sexy, its not all glammed up and Episco-tarty, its not twubbed and status-tastic. It is home, it is good, it is in fact Ubuntastic. Amen.

Look for an updated look sometime in the next week or so. Sorry for those of you who can't quite believe I am still reading Tribes (I am not) and listening to William Fitzsimmons (I am, and you should too.)

life in blips and bites

My life for the last two months has really been about two things:

1. Feeling better, trying to find a way to live, leaning towards health and not choosing the same old coping mechanisms (that have served me "well" up until now). And,
2. General Convention.

Well, General Convention is here. I am doing hard and good work for IntegrityUSA and Episcopalians for Global Reconciliation also known as E4GR. If you are on twitter, please consider following me and the work I am up to at @integrityusa and @e4gr (and @swancommarachel). In addition--I get to hang with some of my most favorite peeps in the whole world, the Young Adult Festival folks. I am teaching an Anglican prayer bead workshop with and for them.

I am guessing I won't get to tell a whole lot of stories of my own in the next two weeks--although I am hoping I am wrong.

About feeling better--well what can I say--its a slow road. It is hard work. I feel like it is on hold while I am here in Anaheim. But what I am doing is eating well, and walking, which are a few things that I am building into this new way of being healthy. Two of many.

Another practice of leaning into feeling better? I am holding dearly to the memory of my baby sisters visit last week and the week before, I think it may be some of the best memories we have had together so far. She is amazing and beautiful.
See?   Just a few snaps from our time, ones that deserve much more storytelling to them. So, next post.

Thanks for letting me ramble on.