The Swandive

Leaping

This morning my beloved reminded me that today is the first February 29th that we have experienced together. She reminded me that it was one more brand new day, new adventure, new thing - that God has given us.

What a wonderful gift. One day.

It gets me to thinking about what a difference a day, a moment, a person, a hug, a hello, a tickle or poke - can make in ones life: IF.

If I am willing to accept the gift.
If I have eyes and ears and sense to name it as a gift.
If I am willing to see it as a gift.
If I change my lens, my thinking, my dreaming, scheming, radical openness to see today for what it is.

Hello today.

I'm not dead...

Its a P!nk song, from the album of the same name. I'm not dead.

Once again, I find myself inside myself. But I wanted to say hi, and tell you - my faithful 3 readers - that I am not dead, just resting. More soon.
Until then... I continue to hum this little ditty.

I'm not dead, just floating
Underneath the ink of my tattoo
I've tried to hide my scars from you
I'm not scared, just changing
Right beyond the cigarette and the devilish smile
You're my crack of sunlight
oh...

when I grow up

I posted before about this beautiful person, poet, dreamer, philosopher: John O’Donohue. In looking him up when I heard the news, I ran into this blog  - which I occasionally peer in on now, I really dig him. He posted one of the most beautiful reflections on his friend John.  Find it here.

When I grow up, I want to be like John.

"He [John] then said words that I will always hold in my heart; ‘If you need to be in your own space to be depressed, I totally understand, but if all you’re going to do is be depressed, then come and spend the day with me, and we can be depressed together. Because I love you today, and I will love you forever.’

Amen.

Your Jesus Valentine

Happy Valentines Day.

it bears repeating

Call it laziness, lack of sleep, call it what you will. For some reason I really feel the need to post, the strong desire to say hello and something witty and clever - but my brain is like mushy peas. I can't seem to hold two thoughts together.

So a quote I have shown you before, lurks and rears itself. I still totally dig it. And them/him. Rock on people.

"It's tragic that extremists co-opt the notion of God, and that hipsters and artists reject spirituality out of hand. I don't have a fixed idea of God. But I feel that it's us - the messed-up, the half-crazy, the burning, the questing - that need God. a lot more than the goody-two-shoes do." - Mike Doughty (formerly of Soul Coughing, now in his own awesome band)

queer jeans/genes

I'll freely admit it here, since I think I already have on facebook. I LOVE Project Runway. It is the only reality TV that I sincerely hate missing. The new episodes are always on Wednesday nights. This past Wednesday, sweetie and snuggled in for a kick back totally relaxing night, to snuggle on the couch, eat some comfort food, and watch our favorite program.

I also love commercials. Some people have Tivo just to avoid them. For sure in like 3 days I will probably turn off the "every kiss begins with Kay" crap, cause I can only take so many of those jingles in one night.

So imagine my surprise, my giddy-ness, when watching the new (or new to me) Levi's commercial.

When I see gay advertising, I think its most likely June or its getting close to Pride Month. But this was prime time Bravo commercial time. In February.

It seems like such a little thing... being advertised to. But in some way, it also means that we exist, we are becoming 'mainline'. Historically I have not been an advocate, a queer rights proclaimer. I have said that my life is my message, and I have become OK with being the odd person out - the minority.

A long time ago I watched a movie called the Celluloid Closet. It highlighted queer people on the big screen and in Hollywood over history. I thought it was good, but have not thought about it since I watched it, until now.

How powerful it is to have images out there in the world that are normal, average, everyday doing normal things - that are also queer. I enjoyed it. It may not be a big deal, but it sure felt like it to me.

Dear Ma,

Today marks exactly 9 years since you were here. 9 years. WOW. I can't believe its been this long, and then again, it feels like an eternity. So much has happened.

I know you are with me, I wish I could feel it more though. M says that you visit her in her dreams. Maybe you could pop over and be in mine sometime? I could really use one of those hugs, you know the ones. We used to hug so tight that both of us were almost blue in the face afterwards. I thought those hugs would never end, never go away. I sure do miss them.

Do you like sweetie? She sure is amazing isn't she? She reminds me of the best of you. Your patience, your self-less love, your unconditional love of me. I can't help but think that somehow you had a hand in all of it. Speaking of which, was that you who came to the wedding and flickered the lights? It was the part of the sermon where +Mariann said:

That’s what “sacrament” means: ordinary things—bread and wine, water and oil, conversation over breakfast, a walk in the park, dancing through the night—become for us signs, symbols, channels of grace.

I think it was you. Its hard getting used to you in a non-physical form. OK - you know how I feel about it, it sucks. I can't seem to get the hang of you not being physically here. And the questions! Shit... they are never ending. I swear when we meet up in the ever after, you and I will have a long talk, you talking, me listening and asking my mile long list of questions. You - drinking that horrible instant Sanka crap, me - sucking on a Caribou Coffee light white berry mocha with cherry.

Anyway, I just thought you should know that I still miss you something awful. Oh some days ARE better than others, and yes for the most part I get up every day and "Just Do It" like you always said. But today, today, I really miss you.

9 years. Like a flash of light, and like an eternity. I love you Ma. We all miss you.

I am coming out

I will caucus tomorrow.
I am really looking forward to it.
I am excited about my decision.

If you are in the US - will you be voting tomorrow or have you voted already?
I'd love to hear from you.

I love pancakes

Over the summer, we had a friend and her gorgeous family come and stay with us. She was in Minneapolis/St. Paul, doin' some studying and seminary stuff over at Luther Seminary. She and her family live in Colorado, and Sweetie and I have enough space to host a family of 4. So for a few days our house was full of energetic kids, good food smells, and 6 people coming and going.

While they were here, my friend one morning decided to make pancakes. You know, flat yummy breakfast-y food. From SCRATCH. Horror ran across my hostess face, hoping that I would have the ingredients to fulfill her desire to make pancakes. Apparently we did have enough or at least some of the right ingredients, enough to get by.

After spending more time with my Colorado friend, my view on cooking has not been the same. She has this amazing, sort of 1950's super punk awesome mom/homemaker vibe about her. Making food from scratch is not really in her vocabulary, because what the hell else is there really? Box food, processed stuff? No.

Its no secret that our favorite couple friends, K and P, also put us to shame in the kitchen. They got us spices for Christmas last year - because our spice collection is quite frankly, embarrassing. (I am so curious what sweetie will be thinking as she reads this post). Anyway...

Now, I am not about to go on flogging myself for another paragraph or two. No, because over the last few months, my sweetie and I have set to the kitchen to try some new cooking. Scratch, real food, recipe cooking. We have even made a few batches of cookies! Its not that we didn't do this before, we are good cooks. We are just trying out our range of skills. And this morning...

Pancakes I would even be proud to have served my Sarcastic friend. It really is a joy - cooking. Here is the recipe of some quite crack-like, super yummy pancakes. I say try them. You'll never go back to bisquick again.

(Who's influencing who now Dan?)

A little Friday Love

Love - ala RevGals. The Friday Five, which I have loved since the beginning of this blog (which the 2 year anniversary just passed). Here we go.

Friday Five- options, options edition

There is so much going on this weekend that I thought I'd provide an options Friday 5!!!!  First Superbowl ( someone explain to this Brit the significance)- love it or hate it?

Neither love, nor hate for the annual gathering of armchair sports-fans. I am planning on watching it, with Sweetie, as she is a fan of watching. I could take it or leave it really, but ahhhh the things we do for love - right? Five reasons to give in to this annual event.

1. the Souper Bowl of Caring
2. An opportunity for friends to gather and cheer
3. Love em' or hate em' - the commercials
4. Meal planning based entirely on 'snacks'
5. Animal Planet's Puppy Bowl, seriously can't wait to check it out.

Second Candlemas/ Imbloc/ Groundhog day/ St Brigid's day- all of these fall on either the 1st or 2nd February.

1. Do you celebrate one or more of these?
Yes, I'd like to say more than just groundhogs, and include St Brigid, heres to trying something old and something new this year.

2. How?
Groundhog day party at a couple friends place is LEGEND. These parties have been going on for years, and bring old friends (and new ones) together year after year. It's really quite awesome.

3. Is this a bit of fun or deeply significant?
Fun, and deeply significant. These are mostly queer women who year after year take one day to celebrate. These are old friends, many who have been through a lot together. Now the group is having babies, buying house(s), and being mostly normal, boring grown up lesbians. And they are all wonderful. I am blessed to be a part of this community. (I inherited this group through marriage.)

4. Are festivals/ Saints days important to you?
Yes. I can't explain... they just are.

5.Name your favourite Saints day/ celebration.
Why St. Patrick's Day of course! (you know, all things Irish)

Bonus- 2nd Feburary is also my Birthday- I will donate £1.00 for every comment on my Friday Five Post  to the Methodist Relief and Development Fund.
Please go and say hi and wish a happy birthday to my friend Sally!