The Swandive

LOVE: All Saints/All Souls

Ask me if I like Halloween and I will respond I love the idea of the thin veil between the living and the dead, celebrated every year. Day of the Dead / Día de los Muertos is upon us. With it it brings pageantry, art, color, dance, wailing and some good theatrical showy-ness.

Life is as beautiful as death.

As a Christian, I have really struggled with the whole 'who is in and who is out' thing with regards to 'life' after death. I am told to believe that if someone was not saved, or did not profess a relationship with Jesus, they would not be 'in heaven' when I got there. I was/am baptized - so of course it is assumed I will go there - up there, in heaven - just hanging out, me and my homeboy Jeezy, and all the other Christians who have been driving me nuts for my living days here on earth.

I take comfort in the new conversation that seems to be everywhere - about focusing on life, the here and now, bringing about change and heaven here now on earth, as it is in heaven. We are shifting away from evangelization that is based in fear (think of the early Billy Graham) and into a time of social justice, pro-peace and making a difference - being Christ in the world (you are His only hands, feet, blah blah blah).

But it still does not answer my burning questions of whether I will ever see my mom again, or my cat Tiffany for that matter. Mom wasn't baptized, cracked the "good book" once in a while - mostly taking comfort in the Psalms, she was not, NOT down with the humanity in religion. I mean who would be after being abused in the name of the Lord?

So to keep this all wrapped up in love - and not bickery - I'll share with you a quote from a woman whos doubt and love speak volumes to me right now.

Keep in mind that our community is not composed of those who are already saints, but of those who are trying to become saints. Therefore let us be extremely patient with each other's faults and failures.
Mother Teresa quoted in No Greater Love.

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What is Your World View? created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as Cultural Creative Cultural Creatives are probably the newest group to enter this realm. You are a modern thinker who tends to shy away from organized religion but still feels as if there is something greater than ourselves. You are very spiritual, even if you are not religious. Life has a meaning outside of the rational. Cultural Creative 100% Idealist 81% Existentialist 56% Postmodernist 56% Fundamentalist 25% Modernist 19% Romanticist 19% Materialist 19%

LOVE: Frida II

I tried to drown my sorrows, but the bastards learned how to swim, and now I am overwhelmed by this decent and good feeling.
- Frida Kahlo

I can relate.
My note for today from the universe:
            Actually, Swandive, if you understood the extraordinary gifts every single challenge in your life makes possible, even inevitable, you'd celebrate your challenges, new and old alike, as the omens that they are of new beginnings, spectacular change, and enhanced super-powers.

 

        Perfect for where you are, huh?
    The Universe

Yes. It is perfect.

LOVE: Frida

Tonight the Walker Art Center in Minneapolis will host the preview party for the Frida Kahlo exhibition, and then the show will officially open tomorrow.

There is just so much about this woman, her life, the way that she loved, her art, her brazen ways - that moves me. She was alive. More about her and my strange and exhilarating fascination with her - later.

To Frida!
VIVA LA VIDA!

LOVE: Silence

I am attempting to write about something I long for, silence. Notice long for, NOT know a ton about.

Truth be told, anyone who is close to me will tell you, I am terrible at silence. Its not exactly like prayer where I can get a free pass and claim the little thoughts, intentional moments, conversational talking with God - prayer. No silence is... well, silent.

No clacking of the keys on the computer, not even staring at the screen to read - it creates sound within. The obvious - no music to help me get in the mood for silence.

I love it, when it comes. But I can admit freely here that I think it scares the shit out of me. I fear what inner voices I'll have to wade though to get to the true quiet. I strangely feel drawn to make the journey to the quiet,  and relish when it comes. But I find myself surprised by the void, the open space, when it comes. I sort of flounder about, wondering what it is that I need to fill up that space. This was the case for me last night. Silence came. I sat with it for about 1 hour, before I got itchy.

So I love it. I am not good at it. I am going to learn how not to fear it. I won't run, turn on the boob-tube, click and clack on the computer or turn to my iTunes. When it comes, I'll play nice, let it in, and see what comes.

I'll end this with a few great quotes that I am going to hold on to, stick up on my cube, and try to commit to my heart and soul memory.

We need to find God, and he cannot be found in noise and restlessness. God is the friend of silence. See how nature - trees, flowers, grass- grows in silence; see the stars, the moon and the sun, how they move in silence... We need silence to be able to touch souls.

- Mother Theresa

The most basic and powerful way to connect to another person is to listen. Just listen. Perhaps the most important thing we ever give each other is our attention…. A loving silence often has far more power to heal and to connect than the most well-intentioned words.
- Rachel Naomi Remen, Author of Kitchen Table Wisdom (a book I love)

In the attitude of silence the soul finds the path in a clearer light, and what is elusive and deceptive resolves itself into crystal clearness. Our life is a long and arduous quest after Truth. - Mahatma Gandhi

LOVE: not my words

"But I say to you that listen, Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you..." - Jesus of Nazareth

Saw For the Bible Tells Me So last night. Quick synopsis for those who don't know - or don't want to click over to see the trailer linked. From the films website:

Can the love between two people ever be an abomination? Is the chasm separating gays and lesbians and Christianity too wide to cross? Is the Bible an excuse to hate?

Winner of the Audience Award for Best Documentary at the Seattle International Film Festival, Dan Karslake's provocative, entertaining documentary brilliantly reconciles homosexuality and Biblical scripture, and in the process reveals that Church-sanctioned anti-gay bias is based almost solely upon a significant (and often malicious) misinterpretation of the Bible. As the film notes, most Christians live their lives today without feeling obliged to kill anyone who works on the Sabbath or eats shrimp (as a literal reading of scripture dictates).

Through the experiences of five very normal, very Christian, very American families -- including those of former House Majority Leader Richard Gephardt and Episcopalian Bishop Gene Robinson -- we discover how insightful people of faith handle the realization of having a gay child. Informed by such respected voices as Bishop Desmond Tutu, Harvard's Peter Gomes, Orthodox Rabbi Steve Greenberg and Reverend Jimmy Creech, FOR THE BIBLE TELLS ME SO offers healing, clarity and understanding to anyone caught in the crosshairs of scripture and sexual identity.

Granted, I guess I am not really the target audience. Kinda preaching to the choir with me. Still, I am glad I saw it, and wish that I had not read so many comments on you tube. Sheesh people can be so mean when commenting. What is that about?

Still feelin' kinda funky, but I am resting, going to the gym, and just trying to let love seep in through all of my cracks and broken parts.

LOVE: a sacrament

My former roommate is getting married today. The priest who married aka blessed, celebrated, did the sacramental Holy hokey-pokey with (because that IS what its all about right?) my sweetie and I, led the rehearsal last night and it took me right back to where we were almost a year ago.

I am not sure if you married people (or divorced) remember your wedding rehearsal. I do. Of course it's the lead up to the big day shin-dig, just a little more technical. But with our priest, she began that rehearsal and set into motion a sort of 48 hours of holiness. She talked about what it is that we are actually saying. She asked the family, spouses and friends sitting there as the mock congregation to actually shout out at the appropriate times "WE WILL!"

There is almost nothing about the big few days last year that I don't remember. She (our priest) reminded us, as did my sweeties brother, to drink in every second. It only comes once (God willing). She said those same words last night to our former roommate and his to be beloved. I hope they heard it.

My sweetie and I have been to a number of weddings since ours. Every time, it has been the wedding of our straight friends and family. Each time we go, I am struck. What makes us so different? What makes our love so threatening that we cannot be recognized, like straight people, in the eyes of our country? I watch these holy moments and each time, my heart breaks just a little for my sweetie and I, and for all queer people who want to get married. Not just blessed, or committed (like we are mental patients). We don't care about the gifts, although people are very generous. We don't care about the party. We want the whole built in name change, the right to see and be with our spouse in the hospital, the right to take care of one another - without spending a million dollars and a lot of time and effort to make sure that no one can take that away from us.

Today we will celebrate and honor my friend and his beloved. It is truly a joyful thing. With more love, more joy, more celebrations of this blessed sacrament, maybe we can turn the consciousness of this country around.

Love: Another extra

Love love love this blogger, woman, artist, poet, healer. Right on target for today.

LOVE: through tears

Funny thing depression. Even with the strongest of rose colored glasses, the sun still rises, and it still sets. The darkness - it comes. Whether I want it to or not, it comes. I certainly did not want it to come in the middle of my 30-day love blog.

In the spirit of honesty, I cannot hide this from you. My science experiment would be all katty wompus. So, no pity party, I can't even name what this is about really. It's like the darky pesky gnomes come and infect my thoughts - its so strong - the pull - that I figure if I just give in, let go, the sooner this will all be over. Don't fight the river rapids grasshopper, become a part of the flow.

So, where is the love? One of my favorite songs (because I think I have a soundtrack for almost everything) for days like today is by Kina. The song is called Have a Cry. I love this song.
 

Feelin' kinda low
Oh, and that's not the worst part
I just got a home, yeah
Gettin' old and still wanna be a star
Yeah, I'm feelin' low
But don't come run to my rescue
Please don't come to preach
Don't need no goddamn happy speech

Is it alright if I cry?
Without no positive speeches
Don't need no lessons on God
Because I'm human, I got weakness
Don't just say it's alright
My life fell into 10 pieces
Don't just say it's fine
Just let me have a cry

I know you're tryin' to help me
Can't you just listen to me sometimes?

You can't always find the answers
Everybody's faith ain't always high
Yeah, I'm feelin' low
So please just let me sulk

There ain't nothin' you can say
So don't come sing Amazing Grace
There ain't nothin' you can do
So don't come give your point of view
There ain't nothin' you can say
I'm only human, yeah yeah yeah yeah

I still love me. This is a part of the crap I have to love. God give me the strength when I am not sure I have it. Putting up post it notes all around my cube now - so the gnomes can leave soon, and kiss my ass.

love: an extra for today

found this brilliant post (by Cheryl Lawrie) through sarcastic lutheran's links.
Stunning and beautiful - like a 2x4 across my heart.

we scarcely dare to open up the parts of our lives we would rather hide
for fear they are too ugly to be forgiven:

when we have acted out of hatred or mistrust
when we have betrayed and broken others
when we have thought only the worst of ourselves.

we confess these things,
and we confess we lack the faith you will forgive them.

but you promise that nothing and no-one is beyond your love,
and that we can be confident of your forgiveness.
give us faith to believe so that now we can begin again.

and because you tell us that no-one is beyond your love
give us the faith also to believe that those we find hardest to forgive
are offered it too,
even those who want only to hurt us or betray us.
Love them
even if we can’t.
Forgive them,
even if we don’t want it to be possible,
Give us faith to let them begin again.