The Swandive

Discipline

Last night was TAAP night, Theology and a Pint, one of my favorite nights of the month (Although getting me there last night was like pulling teeth, I was not "in the mood"). I don't often report on it - but it seems to have triggered some crazy dreams, some really wacky energy, and some great ideas.

The topic was discipline. And friends, I lack it. One of the questions that really got me thinking was "what gets in your way of (spiritual) discipline for you?" The answer welled up in me out of some place I have not visited for a long time. "Fear" I told my group, feeling the emotions trying to make their way to my tear ducts. Afraid of being found out - for being a faker and poser. Fear of rejection, afraid to go something alone, to fail - again and again - like every other time I have tried something new.

The topic felt very relevant to me, particularly in Lent.  We talked about many of the disciplines or practices that one might take up during Lent; bible study, exercise,fasting, abstaining, tithing, and others. I am visiting Ship-of-Fools site for inspiration and help with Lent, but if I had to be really honest, yet again, I am the Teflon of stick-to-it-iveness. There has not been much action on my part. I know that, like the gym, once I get there I will feel good. Once I take something up - I can build on it. My sweeties group spent time talking about how we need to be better at identifying what we DO do, and spend less time beating ourselves up about what we DON'T do.

I still have yet to dedicate some time to the emotions about all of this. Although - the emotions made their way to me in dreams last night. I dreamt that (ok - I am really going out on a vulnerable limb here - it WAS a dream) I was working in ministry with Doug Pagitt. That I was happy, learning, being encouraged to be a sponge for the Holy Spirit leadings. That I was working on a team, helping, using my giftedness and passion for ministry - helping.

I know, that if I want to change, my situation, my body, my relationship with Jesus, and/or the church, I have to do the work. Maybe it can start with prayer. I plan to spend more time on this - but wanted to just barf some of this out.

What does the meaning and word discipline mean for you?

yep - still true

Good to be reminded.

ENFP - "Journalist". Uncanny sense of the motivations of others. Life is an exciting drama. 8.1% of total population.

Free Jung Personality Test (similar to Myers-Briggs/MBTI)

i need a reminder

I am, maybe like many of you were, at home, watching the Oscars tonight. Normally we are at a party, but for whatever reason, we had the pleasure of just curling up, just the two of us tonight. I can't remember loving it as much as I have so far. I mean, what's not to love? So far some pretty great jokes have been told, amazing images and art has brightened the screen, Ellen (yeeee!) and a song I forgot all about how much it moved me the first time I heard it.

Have you looked around my whole blog? I have a bunch of different headings, sections. One of them is on the right - called "brought to you by the letter K and ..." Go ahead and take a break, scroll down and look. Anyway, I added a new one tonight. Its the lyrics to the song Melissa Etheridge wrote for An Inconvenient Truth, called I Need to Wake Up.

Back in the day, I had a friend, who had just "found Jesus." He was the drinkenest, gayest, sweetest, strange dude I knew. Anyway, he really straightened (no pun intended, although he got married to a woman like 6 months after he found Jesus) up after his conversion to Christ. He used to put post-it notes, with Bible quotes and uplifting thoughts all over his work space. He worked in a theater. Not exactly a hotbed of Lord lovers.

I mention this, because what is here on this blog is of course for you, my friends and guests. But it is also for me. Sometimes when I forget who I am, I go back and read things that I have written here. Or, I go through my links. This blog helps me to remember what I am, it grounds me. I have added the lyrics to I Need to Wake Up, because I heard a call in the song again tonight. And this time - I really don't want to forget. So - its my own little post-note.

Maybe you hear something too?

love, loss and illusions

Finally - we can keep going in our Netflix cue. Last night was The House of Sand and Fog. The most striking line in the whole film to me...

"Things are not as they seem."

True Companion

Friday Five. So good.       Friday Five: Companions on the Way

Dante had Virgil as a guide. Before he had younger siblings, my oldest child had an imaginary friend named Patrick. Betsy had Tacy. Laura Ingalls depended on her brindle bulldog, Jack. All of them were companions on the way. As we take the beginning steps of our journey through Lent, who would we take as a companion? Name five people, real or imaginary, you might like to have with you as guide or guardian or simply good friend.

1.  My beloved. I can't imagine my life without her along.

2.  My mom. She is my friend, my gaurdian, and 8 years after her death/disappearance, she is still my number one guide.

3. My favorite friends, the Moffners, who make me think, challenge my brain and sense of humor. I'd take them with me anywhere, anytime.

4. My most faithful companion, Tigger - the kitty. She is my intuition, my sweet little drooling, obsessive compulsive, snuggle mitten. (*ugh*. I am really one of those cat owners.)

and from the land of make believe

5. My authors on my bedside table. Jesus, Brian McLaren, Diana Butler-Bass, Marcus Borg, Joan Chittister, Desmond Tutu, and others that are not popping in my head right now. So - like all of them, in a circle, passing around the talking stick, and me, listening and sharing, birthing of a new kind of church into being. I am still hungry, still longing for, still wandering the desert of community, dipping my toes in at House of Mercy and St. Mary's. Maybe Lent will heed some insight.

and here it is

I found it. My Lent practice. I went looking for a Lent joke this morning, and found it (not a joke - but a Lenten practice). I went looking for a joke, because I feel like one. A huge joke. I stayed in last night, instead of getting the ashes and divinely inspired whoo ha. I feel like a church nerd failure. I have been reading all of your blogs, in awe of many of you. But when push came to shove last night, I just wanted to stay home. So this is what I ran across - and now I feel inspired. So, if you are late - and want to do some lent whatnot - try here.

"I'm startled or taken aback when people walk up to me and tell me they are Christians. My first response is the question, 'Already?' It seems to me a lifelong endeavor to try to live the life of a Christian." – Maya Angelou

For Sister Roberta every day is "Ash Wednesday"

For Sister Roberta every day is "Ash Wednesday"
Originally uploaded by fee-ach.

Generally, every year, I try to give something up for Lent. Yes, yes, I am still one of those old school give-up'ers instead of the newer, hipper take something on Lent practicioners. There is something about the giving up - that connects me. To my body, to my day, to a truly holy season of Lent.

How I come to the idea of giving up - varies from year. I gave up TV one year, something I highly reccommend. Although for the reality viewer (I was at shrove tuesday pancake dinner and "coming out" about being a reality viewer was the topic post-pancake) this might seem like undue torture. If I can encourage you at all - try this one at home.

I don't know what I will give up this year. It can't be smokes like Sister Roberta, I am already 52 days into that non-action. Whatever it will be, I will report it back here.

What are you doing for Lent this year? (Really, like I'd love it if you are stopping by to say hi and tell me what you are doing this year. Nothing? Adding? Who cares - the filet o' fish sandwiches are cheap on Fridays and I am totally pumped about that... whatever.)

episcopal hoo-balie boo-balie

Someones hurting Lord, Kumbaya. Someones naughty Lord, Kumbaya. Someones jerky, Lord, Kumbaya. Oh Lord, Kumbaya.

I can't keep up. Thank God - they can.

if only

if only
Originally uploaded by swandive71.

I wanna work here. Delivering Gods love, answering Gods phone, maybe make a few of Gods flyers, post em' around the city.

confession

in the spirit of postsecret.

its presidents day, and i have the day off. i have gotten out of bed to get coffee, go to the bathroom, and to retrieve my computer. my to do list is a thousand miles long. someone has become rather snarky with me because i don't have the wedding thank you cards done. there is laundry, bills, work I brought home, inviting people to something i really believe in, job hunting (or convincing a few key people that they need me to work for them), shopping for and hosting a dinner tonight, and a gaggle of other things i could / should be doing today.

intstead, i'm in my ridiculous purple plaid robe, reading (blogs, my book, the want ads, L Word gossip, and other non productive surfing), napping and loving my kitten.