The Swandive

my heart hurts

I feel really far away from home today. Maybe because I am. So I went looking at friends blogs from MN today, to see if I could get a little virtual home.

I read this from a friends blog about that Code book / movie. I will add that I have not read or seen the flick yet. I totally intend to, but so far have not made it a priority. So, this friend of mine, she and I have a rather sorted relationship. As a matter of fact, I think she is sort of tired of trying to figure out why we clash, or why I am such a pain in the ass friend to deal with, so she is I think choosing not to deal with me anymore. Anywho, I am so struck by her post.

ok...I feel exhilarated and validated.
I just finished reading 'The DaVinci Code', and I absolutely believe that there is SO much truth to it.  Ok, yes, it was not well written and there is a whole mystery to follow that is fiction, but everything else?  I believe. Yes, I believe that ultimately (as I have felt for SO long) there is so much of Christianity that is a huge pile of male dominated lies.  The feminine devine is lost.

Ugh.
It's time for a revolution.
Against the church AND the state.

To the real God worshippers, the Pagans, blessed be.

I am torn. Really really torn. Is this what is happening really? People (I assume that she is like many disenfranchised, disheartened people who have walked away from the religion of their youth, her being a former Catholic) throwing the baby out with the bathwater?

With more and more Davinci Code media, I am feeling like this is just one more divisive thing. Right and left, liberal and conservative, republican or democrat. I hurt. Any thoughts?

mmmm, let the sunshine in

a few minutes in the sun today while playing hookie from a class.

And then it rained.

I guess I should know better than to play hookie, but those few minutes were mmmmm mmmmm good.

a strange thing happened on the way to Florida

  100_4018 
  Originally uploaded by Didier F..

You know sometimes how something hits you, and there doesn't seem to be any rhyme or reason to it?

*wham*
It happened today to me.

So here I am in Orlando Florida, at a conference for ACS Technologies, which just means I am a big database nerd. I arrived yesterday, haggered from moving and moving and packing and moving. My bags were checked in late, and did not arrive until 2 am (thanks Northworst Airlines). So I admit, some of this might be from being overly tired and unusually sleep deprived. Today started with the conference opening from the president of ACS, followed by this improv comedy troupe and then...

Mickey. Yep, a special appearace by the mouse. The song (m i c - k e y - m o u essss eeeee) began to play over the load speaker and I had to seriouly keep from breaking out in sobs.

Strange. I miss my childhood? I never got to ever see Mickey in person before? Ummmm - I just don't know. Maybe Mickey stands for all things sweet, and childlike.

Strange, but strangely wonderful.

I believe

Whoo hoo!
It is my first stab at the revgalblogpals friday five. Here is the set-up...

This week's Friday Five is simple. Name five things you believe--these don't have to be long statements--short sentences, both serious and frivolous.

1. I believe that love conquers all. All you need is love. Love lift us up where we belong. (stuck in here is an ode to moulin rouge).
2. I believe that everything everything everything works together for the glory of God. yes, everything, the good the bad and the super ugly.
3. I believe that many of the world problems could be settled over a cup of something to drink, coffee in my case,  honest dialog and a will and determination to believe that problems can be solved.
4. I believe working and living on a team / communally makes sense. Lone Rangers do not.
5. I believe no pain, no gain applies to more than 80's style Richard Simmons workouts, AND it is helpful to remember this slogan when you are smack dab in the middle of pain. And when you remember you say this little prayer... (from the BCP pg. 836)

...We thank you (O, Lord) for setting us at tasks which demand our best efforts, and for leading us to accomplishments which satisfy and delight us. We thank you also for those disappointments and failures that lead us to acknowledge our dependance on you alone.

Amen.

could not have said it better

Out, surfing for some soul food.

I am thirsty, I am lonely, I am tired, my feet look like grapefruits, my cankles are starting to grow, and I am in need of some good news, some Gospel truth. So off i go, visiting revgals, the vicar, benzen and then andrew jones aka tallskinnykiwi. a fantastic photo and headline made me look deeper and sent me over to a new favorite site, relevant magazine. anyway, the article that i heard the gospel in today was from doug pagitt, pastor at solomon's porch.

As I ache and moan about moving into the new home, I am suddenly reminded why. God is building a new thing. In me, in Karen, in our home. I'm not sure what it will be or look like, but when I think about it or try to describe it, what Doug articulates is what I mean.  Huh, wonder what God is up to?

The emerging church values communal life – living like family.
Emerging churches often speak of themselves as if they were a family where the love and commitment to one another is deep, meaningful and essential. Almost completely gone from the emerging church conversation is the idea that the church is a supplier of religious goods and services provided to a wanting consumer. Instead, people are invited to join in and become one of us.

Emerging churches seek to live as missional communities.
Being missional does not mean having a mission statement that clearly communicates the goals of the church. Instead, it’s the desire to be on the agenda of God. More than seeing their role as setting forth a bold vision (mission statement) and asking God to bless it, we seek to join God in the work of the kingdom wherever it is found. Brian McLaren puts it this way, “We practice our faith missionally – that is, we do not isolate ourselves from this world, but rather, we follow Christ into the world.”

Friendship and hospitality are transformational pieces in the emerging church.
Emerging churches believe that friendships change people. They stress that Jesus welcomed the original disciples into a warm friendship with himself and one another. Through the centuries the church has been an extension of this friendship through space, time, and transition. Emerging churches put much emphasis on hospitality. But this is not just your grandma’s after-service dinner in the church basement kind of hospitality. It takes the kindness of those dinners and adds a new level of vulnerability – a call to an intimate redemptive relationship.

like baptism, sort of

*sigh*
ain't moving  a bitch? the packing, the unpacking, heavy lifting, sweat, aching muscles I forgot I had. oh, but what a feeling. and you will notice, i only bitch for just one half of a second. i am blessed indeed to even have a place to call home.

it all started last wednesday, the 17th. a friend of mine invited karen and i to the building dreams: beyond bricks and mortar event that CCHT sponsors every year. CCHT is this amazing organization here in the twin citites that responds to the call of Jesus to justice and care for your neighbor. i was reminded that i am blessed beyond measure, and that all of the pain is nothing compared to the pain it would and could be if i did not own a home.

so the move started on wednesday, and has continued at quite a pace. we are coming in for the home stretch, but are not done yet. so last night, before falling into bed, i looked into my dear partners eyes and asked if we could go out for a quick dip in the new hot tub. like two little kids getting permission to play after dark, we quickly donned our bathing suits and sprinted out the back door. the water was 102 degrees and lovely, the air cooled at about 60, and MPR's classical station was our background music.

we settled in, getting the jets just so, looked at our new home and said a prayer. the song by Randy Travis called baptism ran through my mind. there is a line in there that goes ...

Then it was down with the old man(woman?)
And up with the new
Raised to walk in
The way of life and truth

it is really hard for me to put words around how amazing this life feels. letting go, letting death be death and letting God do what God does best (if you only give it over and let it happen). God sure does love me, and i only hope that i can give away the love as much as i am receiving it.

Anyone up for a dip?

God in the Weeds...

So I worked in restaurants for years. Whether behind the bar or out on the floor, occasionally you would hear the phrase "I am totally in the weeds!" One would use this term when you get slammed, triple sat, feel like you cannot see your way out of being so freakin' busy. Generally - when this happened, you would pray that you had a good manager with you who could pull you out, bus some tables, wash some glassware, be your all around helper. For me her name is Luna, she is at Barbette.

Well folks, I am officially in the weeds. Work is nutsy, my partner and I just closed on our new home, and will be moving over the next few days. All super things, all blessings, all at one time.

So - where is God in all of this? Today God showed up in my sister. She is just back from Virgina, just graduated, and showed up with her Grandma's truck today. We hauled, sweat, laughed, talked about love and embarrassing moments. She introduced me to a slam poet, Taylor Mali, a man who my mom would have loved. I am a fan. Listening to him, to his rhythm, I heard a prophet or perhaps the Spirit, crying out for justice. Please go and listen to him on iTunes or wherever you can get it. The written words are great, but reading them again to paste for you here, well it just lacks.

What Teachers Make, or
Objection Overruled, or
If things don't work out, you can always go to law school

By Taylor Mali
www.taylormali.com

He says the problem with teachers is, "What's a kid going to learn
from someone who decided his best option in life was to become a teacher?"
He reminds the other dinner guests that it's true what they say about
teachers:
Those who can, do; those who can't, teach.

I decide to bite my tongue instead of his
and resist the temptation to remind the dinner guests
that it's also true what they say about lawyers.

Because we're eating, after all, and this is polite company.

"I mean, you¹re a teacher, Taylor," he says.
"Be honest. What do you make?"

And I wish he hadn't done that
(asked me to be honest)
because, you see, I have a policy
about honesty and ass-kicking:
if you ask for it, I have to let you have it.

You want to know what I make?

I make kids work harder than they ever thought they could.
I can make a C+ feel like a Congressional medal of honor
and an A- feel like a slap in the face.
How dare you waste my time with anything less than your very best.

I make kids sit through 40 minutes of study hall
in absolute silence. No, you may not work in groups.
No, you may not ask a question.
Why won't I let you get a drink of water?
Because you're not thirsty, you're bored, that's why.

I make parents tremble in fear when I call home:
I hope I haven't called at a bad time,
I just wanted to talk to you about something Billy said today.
Billy said, "Leave the kid alone. I still cry sometimes, don't you?"
And it was the noblest act of courage I have ever seen.

I make parents see their children for who they are
and what they can be.

You want to know what I make?

I make kids wonder,
I make them question.
I make them criticize.
I make them apologize and mean it.
I make them write.
I make them read, read, read.
I make them spell definitely beautiful, definitely beautiful, definitely
beautiful
over and over and over again until they will never misspell
either one of those words again.
I make them show all their work in math.
And hide it on their final drafts in English.
I make them understand that if you got this (brains)
then you follow this (heart) and if someone ever tries to judge you
by what you make, you give them this (the finger).

Let me break it down for you, so you know what I say is true:
I make a goddamn difference! What about you?

Amen.

Sunday Prayer (on monday morn)

A great post from revgal today.
Sunday Prayer                         
I have some personal issues with the celebration of Mother's Day in churches. It is a greeting card holiday, not a religious one. More important than that, however, is the heartache of the folks in our pews who feel left out of the "aren't Mother's wonderful?" celebration. Not all mothers bring back fond memories, and not all women can become mothers. My policy is that I will not preach on the topic of mothers, but I will add mothers and women into the pastoral prayers. Some of the prayer below is inspired by a post by St. Casserole.

Loving God, this is the day that you have made and we gather now to give thanks and come together as your people. My prayer this morning is that by your grace, the Holy Spirit will dance in our worship, inspiring and igniting a freshness in our lives of faith.

Across denominations and across pews, we are all connected by the One who called himself the Vine. We are the branches, called to bear the fruit of your love for us. Help us to hear this familiar scripture story in a new way this morning. Place your word upon our hearts and lead us out to live your story wherever we are.

God, bless our friends who will travel to Atlanta this week for learning and fellowship. Grant them traveling mercies and plenty of joy and laughter.

God, we thank you for mothers...for those who would like to be mothers but cannot... for those who have lost children through death or circumstances... for the women in our lives who are like mothers to us... and for a better world for girls to grow up to be mothers if they so choose.

Bless all who gather this day for worship and praise, for we ask it in Jesus' name. Amen.

Lessons from another year gone by

Another Mother's Day gone by. If I wasn't convinced of God's wild and lavish grace before, I would have woken up this morning convinced. I was listening to Krista Tippett yesterday and someone said something like they had a Wesleyan experience. Their heart was warmed over. That is what it feels like. A warmed heart.
Lessons from another year gone by:
1) You are never alone.
I met Margaret Noonan Vaillancourt, author and Motherless Daughter at a brunch yesterday and bought her book, "Kiss me Goodnight." The book is filled with poems and short stories from the sisterhood of Md's. At the brunch, we told stories of our mom's, showed pictures, and listened to the thread that binds us. I am not alone.
2) Reaching out is GOOD.
I joined a web-ring of people this past week. I spent time reading, surfing, reflecting, and offering a few words here and there. Suddenly the I am not alone lesson is learned by opening my self, my journey and the work that God is up to in my life. Reaching out is good.
3) Grief is awkward for those who are not in it, and that's OK.
4) God's story is so huge, and the world is so small.
I went to church yesterday, first time in years on a mother's day. Of course I intentionally went to a place I knew would have a smaller dose of the Hallmark holiday. So, walking up to church, out of nowhere appeared my dear friend Heather. She and I have this strange relationship, always have, where if we try to plan a get together, it never comes together. But if we wonder, think about each other, and follow our intuitions, we end up in the same places. Her face came around the corner of the building and we burst into cheerful hellos, laughter, and a familiar understanding of how God's story is so huge, and our worlds are so small.

So there you have it. Another MD gone by and profoundly richer for it.

Ode to Sir Edward Elgar

*whew* What a day.
Where was God you ask? I firmly believe God was in Duluth, in the 21st row of section 13 at the DECC for my baby sisters graduation from UMD. The commencement song, you know the one (daaaaah dah dah da daaahhh daahhh, la daah dah dah duhhhh) began and just like an unsupecting mother at her daughters wedding, the tears started to roll.

When my mom went missing in '99, my baby sister was just a wee freshman in high school. Today, following in her ma's footsteps, she graduated (in four years no less) - and will soon be teaching high school . Just like ma.

So, up in the nose-bleeds, trying not to be super obvious about the tears and snot, a wave of gratitude washed over me. A drum circle from the Fond Du Lac community began. As the beats of the drum and the wail of the voices came, my prayers seemed to dance. The sound so primal. What a journey this family has taken. What an awesome God we have. Holy Creator God, thank you thank you thank you for today, for family, for Cassie. Through the music, and the culture in which it draws upon, the families of all of the graduates were right there, those in this world, and those who have passed on becoming a part of the whole communion of the saints. And ma. Her tears were my tears, together, dancing and praising God for this amazing girl / woman. (ok, my mom was not much of a praising God type, but a proud mother with tears of joy happened alot)I really could not have asked for a better way to honor my mom's life than watching her daughter turn a new and brave corner today.

Amen.